In a decision my husband and I have yet to confirm was a good one, we decided that our children would have their tonsils and adenoids out on the same day this past month. My husband and I both took sick time and were home together to care for our children and took an “all hands on deck” approach to getting them through recovery. The week home was quiet with much time spent encouraging them to eat Jell-O, Ramen noodles, pudding and to sit quietly on the couch and rest. Naturally, that meant considerable time watching children’s movies. And I found that a little blue fish named Dory totally gets me in my motherhood right now.

“When life gets you down, do you know what you’ve gotta do?
Just keep swimming.
Just keep swimming.
Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.”

I’ve been swimming with my head barely above water. Like a hamster on an endless spinning wheel, I keep going. But it hasn’t been without sacrifice or a tremendous and uneven shift in priorities and focus.

This past year, I’ve put myself last.
And it has been on purpose.
Intentional.
I am completely guilty.
I knew the entire time that I was not doing right to myself.
I let go of the many things in my life that I needed for emotional and physical health.
I lost me in motherhood.
There was so much that needed my time and attention. I made the mistake of thinking I could take care of others best when I neglected myself the most.

A new year is a time of resolutions, which then tends to be marked by the regret of actions, disappointment in behavior, a resolve to not be the same, to put down who you are and where you are at this moment.

This time can feel too heavy.
It is a time when it doesn’t seem possible to touch what you yearn for most.
We want it all fast.
Just like we binge watch television shows, we want to see our resolutions come to fruition right now.

I wanted to shame myself.
You know better.
You deserve better.
You can do better.

I wanted to snap my fingers and be the person who took care of herself again.

The time right now is for resolutions if you wish. It can also be a time of resuscitation. The something you need when you just feel like you can’t keep swimming anymore. That restorative breath of new life and energy into your motherhood that you need to keep going. It is putting your mask on first and then tending to others. When I take time for me in motherhood, I am better in all other areas of my life.

This year, I am going to resuscitate me in my motherhood. I will take the exercise classes at the gym I’ve never had time for, dust off the books I’ve promised myself to read, make the recipes I’ve said I would, make it happen when I tell my friends we should hang out more, and most importantly, drink my coffee hot, not reheated three times.

Yes, I am down about how this latest lapse seems so big. However, through this process, I will be kind, understanding and give myself grace. I will give myself both the space and time that it will take to resuscitate.

I will keep swimming.

[bctt tweet=”Breathing new life and energy into #motherhood. Just keep swimming.” username=”diningwithalice”]